A love / hate relationship with exercise

After a lovely rap, drink and noshing session with the multi talented and ever-charming Brit Horvat and Darrell Proctor, I came home with a grim resolution to exercise. I skipped out yesterday since I needed to recover after the stomach flu (or some sort of ‘food borne virus’) knocked me out of commission for a few. With a trudge in my step I grumbled into my workout clothes and got in front of my suitably dorky YourSelf!Fitness game for the original Xbox. (Take that, Wii Fit!) Five minutes in, I no longer regretted the decision. What is it about exercise that makes me so loathe to actually do it, but so happy when I finally do?

The other day when I was trying to update parts of my Facebook page, I saw that I’d listed ‘work out’ under my favorite things to do.  A chuckle escaped my lips as I thought of the dementia filled person that actually wrote that. But, strangely enough, I realised that I truly meant it when I wrote it.

So, exercise … If you’re reading this … Sure, I might treat you like my back door ho, but you really, really mean a lot to me. And I just… I just love being around you. So cheers to you Maya, the ever-present cyber-bitch that chastises me for missing workouts. I lift my glass of water to you for purposes of re-hydration and a job well done.

Pretty sure robots are going to take over the earth

In a profound bliss that can only be brought along by the stomach flu one day, severe exhaustion the next, coupled with a severe fear of eating anything, I have stumbled upon another lovely nail to hammer in humanity’s coffin regarding the robot uprising. The charming folks over at geekologie.com have reported on robotic substitute teachers. Yes. This is actually happening.

Have kids? Well you won’t for long if Saya, the robot substitute, has her way. The harbinger of death is allegedly multilingual, capable of calling roll, reading, and assigning work from textbooks. Also, scaring the shit out of your children.

I’m fairly certain when I say, ‘What the F’? that thousands of voices are chiming in with me. Has anyone SEEN the Terminator movies? Good lord, we’re just asking for it aren’t we. And sticking them with children first? Not to sound mean or whatever but shouldn’t we trial run potential killer robots in, i don’t know, a maximum security prison? At least those guys can defend themselves. Plus. I’m pretty sure it’s much more of a long-term investment to create killing robots vs teaching robots, right? When they become self-aware and start turning their extremities into guns, I’m pretty sure that unlike me, algebraic equations won’t stop them in their tracks. Not when their primary objective is to be hot like Kristanna Loken and kill all humans. I guess the only solace and hope we can glean from this news is that unlike in the movies, naked hot robots won’t be so concerned with finding clothes to put on to keep the battle R-Rated. So at least when we’re getting mass slaughtered by robots, they’ll at least look good.

If I still had a blog, I’d probably put this conversation on it… Under the entry: “Shit frequently”

Jason: All I can think of is Bob Vila.
Carol: The cokehead?
Jason: It’ll come to me at 6:38 this evening, when I’m on the toilet.
Jason: No, the home improvement guy.
Carol: Yeah, Bob Vila was a cokehead.
Jason: Oh.
Carol: My dad and I used to watch ‘This old house’ allll the time.
Jason: I have a great uncle whose nickname was Coke.
Jason: I wonder how he got that.
Carol: Delicious-ness?
Jason: He died of a heart attack while in the bathroom.
Jason: How Elvis.
Carol: How heavy was the colon?
Jason: Except I think he was in the shower, though.
Carol: Ah
Jason: I’d hate to die naked.
Carol: Well, I’d hate to have people find me naked
Jason: I think if I was naked in the shower, and I started having a heart attack… I would do my utmost to get some clothes on before I expired.
Jason: Like, that would seriously be the ONLY thing I was concerned with.
Carol: I wonder if we could replicate and record that.
Carol: Like a dramatic  reenactment
Carol you defecate when you die though.
Carol: So would you rather have that in your pants, or out?
Jason: Probably not if you just defecated.
Jason : So, the moral of the story: shit frequently. Just in case.
Carol: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Just another day at work…

“Just an FYI, I went through your article and made a couple of tweaks to the content. I took out ‘fuck’ from the last rule, changed ‘hand jobs’ to sexual favors and replaced ‘circle jerk’ with love-in.”

Commentary on Cute Butts

jason: He’s really short.
jason: That means he probably has a cute butt.
Carol: HAHAHAHAHAH
Carol: That’s the best logic I’ve ever heard.

Possibly the Most Epic Song Ever … Grim Reaper ‘See You in Hell’

Watch it. Seriously.

Write About Technology and Games

Hi Everyone!

Aplogies for the lack of posts lately, but I’ve just started a job at Examiner.com as the Channel Content Manager for Technology and Games. We’re currently looking for technology and games writers for the site — and yes, you can write from anywhere! If you’re interested in writing for the site, check out:

http://www.examiner.com/join_examiner.html#examiner

Fill out the application and we’ll see what we can do! I’m looking forward to hearing from everyone.

Best,

Carol

Carol: The Four-ce Is With Her

My old co-worker and generally hornery yet lovable guy Jason has inducted me into a ‘Four Things Meme’ which roughly translates as a virtual chain letter in my opinion. Thanks for being FIVE years old Jason! Since he tagged me with it on the 27th of May and It is now I think… the 4th (how fitting!) of June, I’m doing this FAST before bad luck befalls me. Okey dokey doggy daddies, let’s GO!

Four Jobs I Had

I worked at a bagel bakery for like 2 months of my sophomore year of high school. I got in trouble for making out with some dude there after closing. And then my parents made me quit because my grades were crappy. News flash: I was bored.

For close to 3 years I worked as a hostess at Red Robin. I started as a hostess cos I wasn’t old enough to be a server (I was  17) and then once I turned 18 I was too lazy to train as one. Plus, I was the only hostess who wasn’t like 15, so I was the official trainer of the squeaky bitches earning me 10 bucks an hour. Pretty good for restaurant wages…

For a blissful year I worked as a Game Advisor at GameStop. It was super fun when no one was in the store. Working at night was hell, but during the day you’d get to talk to all kinds of gamers about the cool stuff out there, what games were coming up etc. It was even better when I was paired with one of my friends. Goofing off and trashtalking were a staple. I still miss GameStop. Just not that awful bathroom.

Um, I used to work at AOL. I think we all know how that turned out. (See below post.)

Four Movies I Could Watch Over and Over

Grandma’s Boy

Dawn of the Dead (Remake)

Resident Evil

Supertroopers

Four Places I’ve Lived (Ah, my sheltered life.)

Stafford, Virginia

Woodbridge, Virginia

Ashburn, Virginia

Sterling, Virginia

Four TV Shows I Like

It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia

Futurama

Home Movies

Ghost Hunters

Four Favorite Foods (Here’s where it gets WEIRD)

Artichokes

Asparagus

Popcorn (Homemade)

Mushrooms

Four Places I’d Rather Be

New York City

California

Colorado

Italy

Four People I’m Tagging (oh MAN, is one ok? everyone else has been hit!)

Lauren @ http://laurengoestoitaly.umwblogs.org/

Carol’s Update and Apology

To put it bluntly, I got laid off. This happened some time in December, but since the company kept me on through the end of March, I decided to mum’s the word on my recent axing. I’ve been away from ‘conventional’ work now for about a month and a half, scouring job sites, boards and generally throwing myself at the mercy of the job market. Which, in Virginia for what I actually do, is not very supportive. This, to me at least, explains why I haven’t been writing as often as usual. At home, I’ve got more encompassing things to do during spots of boredom peppered throughout my jobless days. Video games, for one. Not to mention, perhaps as a direct result of my canning I’ve developed an unhealthy obsession with the show GhostHunters as well as my DVR. When I’m not searching for jobs, agonizing over cover letters or punishing myself by checking to see if the companies I already applied to and was rejected from have hired anyone else for the position I wanted, I’ve been playing a lot of Ratchet and Clank’s Tools of Destruction, Mass Effect, GTA IV and scrambling to own more and more Blu-Rays. I’m also a little unhealthy when it comes to Mario Kart Wii.

The point of this semi-desperate confession spotted with out-of-work-ironic-self-loathing is to apologize for letting my new religion of job site addiction and couch potato-ism get in the way of my of my normal philosophy of I’ve-got-a-blog-that’s-filled-with-snarky-self-loathing. So, as my personal pledge to you, every time I feel the need for a couch and some car theft in the quiet of my own home, I’m going to try to write before I get completely useless. As a warning I may grow bitter and despondent with this gaming interruption, but I really think it’s better for everyone involved.

I bid you adieu with the sincere promise that I’ll write again soon. Here’s hoping it won’t be more self-obsessed prattling, yeah?

My Friend Andy

In perhaps his awesomest music video of all time, is my buddy, Andy. I saw this video before I met him, and ever since, I’ve been dying to see it again. So I’m putting this baby up so others can enjoy, and so I don’t have to search youtube for it every time I want to watch. Enjoy. And remember, everything we are comes from the monkey.